Have you prayed to Jesus...

Have you prayed to Jesus …

Today I was talking to a beloved friend about my last post, anxiety.  I have now finished two days of classes and I already feel overwhelmed.  Just when I think I am confident about my academic work, I feel pushed down.  Who is pushing me down?  Well that would be me.  I have unrealistic expectations of myself, I am too hard on myself, and I don’t take things hour by hour much less day by day.  As I was discussing my “problem” with my friend, she looked me straight in the eye and said have your prayed to Jesus about this?

I was blown away.  Of course I hadn’t prayed to Jesus about this, it is easier for me to complain about it, worry about it, and get myself in to a big old tizzy! Her words were so simple and so right on but most importantly the answer is so easy.  Pray to Jesus! 

I believe I have a sound prayer life.  I pray for people who are going through hard times, I pray for our seminary community, I often pray for the children of seminarians who are trying to figure this whole thing out (mainly because I totally get that one and it has taken me years to figure it out).  But, what I don’t do is simply ask Jesus to take my anxiety away.  Take my fear away, let me know and feel your comfort, in this moment, in this hour, in this day.  It is so easy to do, and yet I don’t often take the time.

So as I was taking a short walk tonight with my sweet Owen, I repeated the words, please take my pain away Jesus, over and over and over again.  In that moment, I felt completely peaceful. 

I know for a fact that I will get in a tizzy again, probably tomorrow.  But, maybe the question of the day is to ask ourselves, have you prayed to Jesus?

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Anticipation...

Anticipation…

What are the words to the Carly Simon song, oh yeah, “Anticipation, anticipation

Is makin' me late Is keepin' me waitin.'” I don’t know that the anticipation is making me late, but it sure is keeping me waiting.  I arrived back to Austin almost two weeks ago.  Those two weeks have been spent preparing, scheduling, working, enjoying our new students on campus, but mostly anticipating.  Anticipating what is said to be the hardest academic year of seminary, the middler year.  I have been so filled with anticipation that I asked a friend just this morning to pray with me and for me over my anxiety.  Anxiety, something that many of you know I have been clinically diagnosed with, suffer from greatly, and constantly trying to keep in check.  How do I cope with my anxiety?  Well not very well most of the time, but usually by scheduling my day so that I can ANTICIPATE the day therefore lowering my anxiety.

Although I believe that I am lowering my anxiety, there is one problem.  Where does God come in?  If I schedule my day jammed packed full, than I am forgoing the very things that God is putting right in front of me.  I am scheduling and preparing, but where am I am scheduling God?  I often miss the things that surround me and that God has put in my path, all because I am trying to lower my anxiety.  I was so worried about scheduling my day today that I almost missed the birds and the glorious song they were singing on my walk with Owen this morning.  Thank you God for letting me experience your creatures this morning.

I learned a lot about getting out of the way and letting God do His thing this summer in CPE.  But, all of the sudden, I seemed to have forgotten all of the many things that He taught me.  But, isn’t that human nature?  To have to constantly remind ourselves and hope to God that we have good enough friends in our lives to help us cope.  My anticipation does have merit, but it is when I get out of the way and have complete and utter faith in the God that created me and loves me that I have the most success at being a Christian.

So friends, I do ask for your prayers as I embrace this academic year.  I ask that my anxiety be lowered and that this sense of anticipation will be calming.  Most importantly, I ask that you pray that we all get out of the way and let God do His thing and help us see the beauty of His creation all around us.

I also want you to know that I am praying right along with you.  For those that are hurt, alone, scared, happy or sad.  I pray that we all feel God’s embrace as we anticipate each and every day.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Summer Days...

Summer Days…

My summer is coming to a close and in true CPE fashion, I can’t help but reflect on this time in my life.  I have heard many priests say that CPE is the hardest part of seminary.  I am not sure I completely agree, but it was not easy.  But, in the midst of the pain, suffering, and flat out fear, Jesus always shows up.  It is a lesson that I have to relearn often and constantly be reminded of.  I am different because of this experience.  I am braver, I have reflected on many of my own personal struggles, and I am working on them.  Most of all, I am thankful for the challenges and joys of the summer and I know that I was exactly where I was suppose to be.

Having the honor and privilege of attending General Convention is one that I will never forget.  The Episcopal Church is working hard to come to the table together.  That was made abundantly clear to me at General Convention.  No, we don’t always agree, yes, there are people who are extremely hurt on both sides of many issues, but we as a Church are willing to listen and most importantly extend grace to each other.  Isn’t that exactly what we are called to do?  I am thankful to be a part of a denomination that wants to recognize that we need all voices to make up the Body of Christ.

On Sunday, I preached at Christ Church, Fairfield, Alabama.  Christ Church is an inner city Church in Birmingham, Alabama.  The energy in that holy space was something I have never felt before.  It is a safe space and I was welcomed with open arms.  I received some Amen’s during my sermon, which made me happy.  But more importantly, I was asked to pray with parishioners after the service, right smack in the middle of the parking lot.  It was a moment that I will not forget - God using me as his instrument.  I am so thankful for that opportunity.

I have said this before many, many times, but I have the most incredible parents.  They have made this summer possible for me.  Walks with my Mom, chatting Church talk with my Dad, their never-ending love for me, and their constant and true love for God that they show to everyone they encounter.  I can’t thank them enough for all that they do for me, but I really can’t thank them enough for the pure and constant love that they show me.  Thanks be to God for Polk and Mary Jo Van Zandt!

It is bittersweet to leave Tennessee.  I will miss my family terribly, but I am excited to get back to Austin.  It is time to embrace my wonderful SSW community again and to dig deep into the school year and all that it will offer me.  If I don’t leave, I’ll never get to come back….

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

General Convention Day 3 and 4...

General Convention Day 3 and 4…

Day 3 and 4 at General Convention did not disappoint.  Day 3 (yesterday) was filled with lovely chats and interviews with alumni of SSW and Bishops from several Dioceses.  I actually had conversations with the Bishops of Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Virginia, and North Carolina.  I am amazed at how generous everyone has been with his or her time.  All have been willing to answer our question: “What does the Church need of her leaders.”  The answers have been diverse, truthful, and inspiring.  I love Bishop Sloan’s answer, “We need people that are willing to live in the joy in the Holy Spirit.”  So wise and true!

The Rt. Rev. Michael Curry, Bishop of North Carolina, preached one of the most powerful sermons I have ever had the privilege of hearing.  I encourage you to all go to my Facebook page and watch the video.  He asked us to be “crazy Christians” and live the Gospel.  I attended one of the committee meetings of the Prayer Book, Liturgy, and Music Committee.  My Bishop, The Rt. Rev. Kee Sloan is the Secretary of this committee.  The committee heard testimony both for and against the trial same sex blessing liturgy that will be voted on at this General Convention.  I was astonished at how this committee worked.  Robert’s Rules of Order were certainly in affect.  The meeting was civil, both sides of the issues were heard, and I hope that the testimony will be helpful to the committee as they make their decision on this historic vote.

The Southwest Six were treated to a fantastic dinner by our dean, The Very Rev. Doug Travis.  Several board members, faculty, and staff were present as well.  Last night was the one night that all of the Southwest Six were at the Convention at the same time.  I really enjoyed spending time with the Southwest family.

Today, my final day at General Convention, began by attending a Festival Eucharist.  Over 4,000 people were in attendance.  I got there a little late, so I decided to head downstairs to the overflow room.  All of the sudden, the Presiding Bishop and the President of the House of Deputies came in to the room.  I received communion from the Presiding Bishop - it is a moment I will not forget.

We spent time at Victory Field today as the Diocese of Indianapolis hosted us all for a fun day at the ballpark.   A few more hours at the SSW booth, and it was time for me to say goodbye.

I have made it back to my parent’s home and I am tired.  Tired, but happy.  Happy for all the good work that the Episcopal Church is doing.  Thrilled in the effort that we take to listen to one another, but most importantly love one another.  My prayers are with everyone that is in attendance at General Convention.  May we continue to practice peace and harmony in the love of God.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

PS- Thank you Seminary of the Southwest for this amazing experience.  I am honored to be a part of the SSW community and loved being included in the Southwest Six :)

General Convention Day 2...

General Convention Day 2…

Day 2 at General Convention was full and exciting.  Lots of alumni, Bishops and friends came by the SSW booth.  Everyone has been willing to share their thoughts and ideas about leadership in the Church.  In my opinion, this is a sign of how invested my brothers and sisters in Christ are in the process of growing and nourishing the Episcopal Church.

I have tried to post on facebook and twitter important resolutions that have been discussed and past through both the House of Deputies and House of Bishops.  Yesterday afternoon both Houses welcomed the Bishop Elects of 8 Dioceses.  There was excitement in the air in both Houses.  I was grateful to witness these important moments.

I suspect Day 3 will be filled with more excitement.  I hope we continue to have lots of activity at the SSW booth.  Of course I always love talking about my amazing seminary!!! 

Stay tuned!  Blessings as the ride continues… 

Mary Balfour

General Convention Day 1...

General Convention Day 1…

Today I arrive in Indianapolis for the 77^th General Convention of the Episcopal Church.   There is excitement in the air!!!  I love the energy and I guess I am becoming a Church nerd.  It is exciting to hear everyone discuss the resolutions and committee meetings as well as worshipping together everyday. 

I spent a lot of time today at the Seminary of the Southwest booth.  We had many visitors including alumni, Bishops, and new friends.  It is really thrilling watching all of these people come together to serve the Episcopal Church.  I feel honored to be a part of it.

Tomorrow I hope to experience some committee meetings, participate in the morning Eucharist, meet new people in the Exhibition Hall, and share lots of news with all of you at home. 

Stay tuned!  Blessings as the ride continues… 

Mary Balfour

General Convention...

General Convention…

I am thrilled to be a part of the Southwest Six as we journey to Indianapolis to participate in the 77^th General Convention of the Episcopal Church.  On Thursday of this week I will travel to Indianapolis to meet the other seminarians from the Seminary of the Southwest.  We will have the opportunity to meet Episcopalians from all over the country, sit in on committee meetings, hopefully chat with a bishop or two, and recruit lots of visitors to the SSW booth!

I really feel honored to have the opportunity to represent my seminary and to be a part of General Convention.  So many of the decisions that are made at General Convention shape who we are as Episcopalians.  Although we are a diverse community with a variety of opinions, the one thing that remains a strong between us is a love for God and ALL of His people.

I will be tweeting, blogging, and facebooking throughout my time in Indianapolis.  So whatever your favorite mode of social media is, please follow along!  I would also appreciate your prayers for the Southwest Six, the faculty and staff from SSW that are attending, and all of the delegates and clergy that will be present.  May we all carry each other in love throughout our time together in Indianapolis.

Before I head up north, I will be spending twenty-four hours at my favorite place, Monteagle!  My family has celebrated the 4^th of July on the Holy Mountain for generations.  It is an occasion that I have rarely missed through out my lifetime.  I am thankful that my family can be in fellowship together celebrating the birth of our country.

Expect lots of posts over the next week!  Blessings as the ride continues… 

Mary Balfour