Half Way Through...

Half Way Through…

As of today, I am half way through my seminary education.  It is a day that seems so long coming, but in other ways seems like it has gotten here so quickly.  I have very mixed emotions about this day.  The thought of being closer to my dream of serving God’s people as a priest is exciting.  The thought of leaving my seminary community in only a year and half seems scary!

I am so grateful for the past year and half of seminary.  I am different now than I was in August of 2011 and I suspect that I will be different than I am now in May 2014 when I leave here.  I think every seminarian says my school is the best and I am no different.  The Seminary of the Southwest is a wonderful place for so many reasons, but mostly because of this incredible community.  In my time here I have been sad, angry, happy, and every emotion in between.  But this amazing community always lifts you up when you need it, lets you be in your grief, and most importantly is ALWAYS, ALWAYS there. 

So this semester, I have become a better preacher, spent almost every Sunday at the altar, dug deep in to the text of the Gospels of John and Mark, learned a little bit about ethics, a little bit more about theology, a lot about reconciliation, and spent every Monday at 1:30 pm making a joyful noise.  It was a HARD semester, but a good one.  I am thankful and better for it.

It’s time to go home.  It is time to spend time with my friends and family.  It is time to rest.  It’s time to enjoy the waiting expectation of celebrating our Lord Jesus Christ’s birth.  I am so grateful for this time.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

What is God Asking of You???

What is God Asking of You???

One thing that I absolutely don’t miss out on each month is my time with my spiritual director.  This is a spiritual practice that I have taken on since coming to seminary.  It is important to explore my own spirituality, areas that I can improve on, and just sit in the pain or the joy that I might be feeling.  I get to do all of that with my spiritual director each and every month. It is an hour that I cherish with every fiber of my being.

In my last session with my spiritual director we talked about certain things that God is asking of me.  I think sometimes we can get caught up in our frustrations with life and think, God why are you doing this to me?  In fact, God isn’t doing anything to us, He is asking us to be in the place that we are in that very moment and time in our lives.  So, what is God asking of me?  He is asking me to go to seminary, to be a daughter, a sister, a single person (this is one that I don’t understand at all but I am working hard on embracing, at least for this time in my life), to be His child, to live in tension, to live in joy, the list goes on and on.  He is asking me to be Mary Balfour. 

What is God asking of you?  I would like to hear your answers or at least ask you to think about the question.  It is so enlightening to think about that question, what is God asking of me? Instead of what is God doing to me?  It changes your whole thought process, and I have been thinking about it all week.  Even though I can’t understand many of the things that God is asking of me, the point is that He is asking.  For that I can only be grateful.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Home Sweet Home...

Home Sweet Home…

I just got back to Austin from a lovely week in the Mountains of Tennessee.  The real treat was that my entire immediate family was together for several days.  It had been almost a year since I had seen my brother Knox and several months since I had seen Thomas.  So, you can imagine how excited I was just to be in their company.  Of course spending time with my lovely parents was icing on the cake!

Being home is a good reminder of why seminary is so important for my formation as a disciple of Christ.  When I am home, I am reminded of God’s love through other people, especially my family.  They make me feel that what I am doing is so worthy and they are just great cheerleaders.  But, being with them is comfortable.  Right now, to grow and flourish, I need to be uncomfortable.  I need to be pushed, to stand up in front of my classmates and preach a sermon (which I will be doing in an hour or so).  I need to spend time in Christ Chapel soaking up the Holy Spirit’s presence.  I need to be here to learn - that’s the bottom line.

I will repeat my precious mother’s phrase; “if you don’t leave you can never come back.”  So I have left home for a while and I will have sweet dreams thinking of them all and I will enjoy the uncomfortableness and love of being exactly where I need to be right now, in God’s amazing care.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

The Joy of Learning...

The Joy of Learning…

I was having a discussion with my sweet mother about how tough academically this school year has been.  There doesn’t seem to be enough time to get everything done and enjoy being with my seminary buddies.  I am trying hard to take a walk everyday, to engage in meaningful conversations, to relish in my time at Christ Chapel, and to continue to love every second of my classes.  It is tough, but as Mom reminded me, seminary is a seven-day a week job.

Yes, I am still working on getting my footing.  Class, work study, Chapel, my field parish, studying, it is hard to get a good balance.  But in the midst of that, I am discovering more and more how much I enjoy learning.  I know this seems like a silly statement to many, but to me it is a true joy to really love learning.  I have always found academic work extremely challenging, I am reminded of this every time I walk in to my Theology and Ethics class.  But what I am discovering is that I actually adore digging into the text of the Bible.  Learning more about what the Word of God really has to say and doing my best to translate that word into a sermon that will have meaning and power around it.

Let me give you an example.  Recently in a class we were studying the story of the hemorrhaging woman in Mark’s Gospel.  I hate to admit it but I really didn’t know anything about this story and I couldn’t remember a time I had even heard a sermon on it.  At first read, I thought the story was about Jesus performing a miracle and giving life back to a woman that literally had been bleeding for twelve years.  Can you believe that, the poor woman, the social outcast she must have been, no one would marry her and she couldn’t have children?  As I studied the passage more and discussed it further with my classmates and professors, I realized that the passage, for me, is really about the faith that the bleeding woman had in Jesus.  She didn’t ask his permission to be healed, she just went for it, and sometimes that is exactly what you have to do.  Have incredible faith and just go for it!

I think there is a lesson to be learned from the hemorrhaging woman.  In the midst of trying to get it all done, it is a great reminder to have faith and just go for it.  After the hemorrhaging woman is healed, Jesus says to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”  Jesus acknowledges the hemorrhaging woman’s faith and welcomes her in to the Body of Christ.  I know I will remember this story when I temporally lose my faith and need to be reminded that I am a part of the Body of Christ.

Finally, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of emails, cards, phone calls and texts I have received from my family and friends lately.  It is as if God reminded them I needed prayers and good wishes.  Thank you God for putting me on their hearts and thank you friends and family for reminding me of your love.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Tears of Joy...

Tears of Joy…

So I woke up 5:30 this morning to get ready for my first day of Field Education at St. Richard’s Episcopal Church in Round Rock, Texas.  I will be serving (with another classmate) there for the next two years.  I wanted to get up early to ensure that I had time to pray, read Morning Prayer, and reflect on this part of my journey.  It is about a 20-minute drive to St. Richard’s from the seminary.  As I was driving and watching the sun come up, I realized that I was crying. 

They were tears of joy.  I was crying because I see my dream of, God willing,  becoming a priest coming true.  I am actually serving in a parish and learning another piece of what I need to know to serve others.  This truly amazes me.  Even though I have now been in seminary for a while, as time goes by, the reality of serving God and His people in this way becomes more and more clear.  I feel so honored to have the opportunity to be a servant of the Lord.  I am humbled that St. Richard’s is allowing me to be a part of their parish family and ministry, make mistakes, celebrate with them, and even experience tears of joy.

As my favorite author Henri Nouwen says, "Joy does not simply happen to us.  We have to choose joy and keep choosing it everyday.”   I choose to accept these tears of joy that were put in my heart today and I hope I keep joy everyday.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour