Sweet Bessie and Jeff...

Sweet Bessie and Jeff...

I was feeling a little bit low today after a long day at CPE and a difficult conversation tonight.  I walked in to the living room tonight quite frankly sad.  My Mom immediately said to me, I have something I want you to listen too.  A few days before, Mom had printed out all of my blog posts from the entire semester and mailed them to our lovely friends Bessie and Jeff.  Bessie and Jeff are a couple from Selma, Alabama that we got to know when Daddy was the rector of St. Paul’s, Selma.  They are a kind, caring, and loving couple and they have always been interested in me and especially supportive of my calling to the priesthood.  Bessie left a message on the answering machine telling me how proud she was of me, that she was going to take my advice about some of the prayer suggestions that I made, and that Jeff had read the posts several times and loved them.  In her message, she said how much she loved me and that she would continue to pray for me.  After I listened to the message I started to cry. 

Sometimes, we try to change ourselves to be what we think others want us to be, to please people, and to be something that we just plain are not.  Bessie and Jeff don’t want me to change, they love me for exactly for who I am, the person that God created, and loves unconditionally.  I am so appreciative of Bessie and Jeff for many reasons, but most of all for loving me as a child of God.  It is people like Bessie and Jeff that help us look for the light and remember that we have to find God in the situation, we have to give grace to others, and we can only be the person we are created to be.  Thank you sweet Bessie and Jeff, you are shining examples of disciples of Christ.  I will forever hold you close to my heart.

More on my Clinical Pastoral Education experience soon.  Today is about celebrating the people I love dearly, which includes all of you who are reading this.  Thank you for continuing to support and love me.  I am truly blessed.

Blessings as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour

I noticed you today, Lord. Thank you.

I noticed you today, Lord.  Thank you.

“I noticed you today, Lord.  Thank you.”  These are the words of the Rt. Rev. Duncan Gray, Bishop of the Diocese of Mississippi in his “Reflections from the Road” piece in the May edition of The Mississippi Episcopalian.  I was struck by Bishop Gray’s words, “I noticed you today.”  In my own life, there have been many days when I didn’t even notice God.  Isn’t that sad, there are whole days when I don’t even notice God.  That seems impossible when I look around and marvel in the beauty that surrounds me.  The lush richness of the Tennessee mountains, the pure joy of watching Owen’s excitement to go on a walk, watching my friend Mary Catherine commit herself to God and the Church as a deacon.

As I am settling into life in Tennessee for the summer, I am paying close attention to God and trying to at least notice Him everyday.  I am thankful to be home with my parents and one of my brothers.  It is nice just to be with them.  I am looking forward to serving as chaplain at the VA Hospital here in Murfreesboro this summer.  I am also looking forward to many weekend trips to the Holy Mountain, hopefully a trip or two to Birmingham and of course General Convention in Indianapolis.

The major goal I have for the summer, outside of learning all that I can during CPE, is to establish a spiritual discipline.  In the spiritual formation class that I took last fall, we discussed many different types of practices.  This summer, my goal is to find the right fit for me and to put that practice into place.  Spiritual disciplines can help us release anxiety and stress, focus on specific prayer request for others, and ourselves, and simply rest with God.  I believe that this is essential for me to be able to help others, but most importantly enrich my relationship with God.

The first year of seminary is behind me, the challenge of CPE and the rest of my seminary days are before me.  Thank you all for continuing to support my calling to the priesthood.  With God’s help, I can actually see this dream becoming reality.  Thanks be to God that I notice Him today.

Blessings as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it...

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it…

I have said this passage from the Gospel of John over and over in my head the past few weeks. Not because I am unhappy, but because I am overwhelmed. I keep looking for the light of Jesus to guide me through as I complete my junior year in seminary.

I look at the Bible that was given to me in September at my matriculation service and it has taken a beating! I have highlighted in almost every chapter, I have written all over it and the pages and cover are bruised. I can say the same thing for my Book of Common Prayer. I am not sure I could have told you most of the stories in the Bible in September. Not only have I learned them, but I have absorbed how to dig deep in to the text, to question it, to make it come alive, and to teach it. I have learned this and so much more. To make this statement is empowering for me because I never did well in school and I barely opened a Bible before coming to seminary. Yet, I knew God was calling me to a richer relationship with Him and as a shepherd of His people. Seminary has given me that and so much more.

I can say with certainty that I have learned more than I could have possibly imagined this year. The education I am receiving is not only in the classroom, but also in Christ Chapel, and with this amazing community. Most importantly I am growing with God. Sometimes growing hurts, often it feels dark, but if we remember Jesus and look for the light, we will be enriched and blessed ten fold.

I read a story yesterday about a woman finding Christ in an unlikely character. This person was married to a man that did evil things, he stole, he had affairs, and he was not a good guy. The man became ill and his wife took care of him, knowing of all of the unhealthy and broken things that he did in his life. It was difficult for her, but she lived out her true calling in life, to be a disciple of Christ, to act Christ like. Remember, Jesus associated with the leopards, blessed the outcasts, and forgave the sinners. This woman did just as Jesus would have done. The most important lesson I have learned this year is to be a disciple of Christ in everything I do. Take in the outcasts, love the unlovable, care for those that are different from me, and embrace the people that God has put in my life. Christian love will follow if there is love and respect in your life.

As this year comes to a close and I continue to look for the light of Jesus that is sometimes hidden in the darkness, I want to thank you all for supporting me on this journey. Even though seminary is the hardest thing I have ever done, for the first time in my life I feel completely at peace with God’s call for me. I have embraced the fact that He wants me to be a priest. I can only hope that I will not disappoint Him and remember to always look for Him in everyone that I encounter.

Blessings as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour

The Hands of God...

The Hands of God…

I was sitting and chatting with a dear friend this week telling her about letting go of certain fears and anxieties that I have. My friend patiently and kindly listened to me and said this, “Whenever I need to let go of something, I imagine a giant set of hands, God’s hands, taking the fear, worry or issue away from me.” I love the imaginary of a giant set of hands. Hands that are so big that they are able to take all of our pain and worries away. I was reminded that sometimes the best thing to do is let go and let God.

As I reflect back on the amazing Easter Triduum that we as a seminary celebrated last weekend and as I look forward to this Easter Tide season, I am thankful for where I am and grateful for this big set of hands to take all of my fears and worries away. The Easter Triduum was a wonderful experience. I am actually not sure that I have ever been to all four services and participated as fully as I did this year. Not only was it a learning tool for a bunch of future priests, but also we came together as a family and washed each other’s feet, kissed the cross of Jesus’ crucifixion, baptized babies and celebrated the fact that Christ is risen!!! Alleluia Christ has risen indeed!!!

After all of this I hit a wall! All this week my eyes have been extremely heavy. In the midst of tons of schoolwork, trying to participate in class and the growing pains of my class, I have just been trying to stay awake! I know the next few weeks will be painful but worth every minute, because I am learning, worshipping our Lord and basking in the glory of His resurrection. It is an exciting time and a privilege to be a part of the journey.

Two of my classmates have decided to transfer to other schools. I am sad about this and I will miss them. They have both pushed me, listen to me and cared for me. As they told us of their plans we decided to pray for them. The great news is that in the midst of these prayers we were able to celebrate them and what they have meant to the life of our seminary. We should pray all the time for the needs of others. Not just when someone is leaving or is sick. We should celebrate them!

As I give my fears and worries over to the giant hands of God, I am also going to celebrate all of you and thank Him for allowing me to be a part of your lives and yours a part of mine. Alleluia!!

Blessings as the ride continues…
Mary Balfour

I Know This…

I am going to go completely out of my comfort zone on this post, but something in side of me is saying to write, so I will.

Yesterday, a group of students at SSW hosted a workshop called Sexuality and Ministry. The purpose of the workshop was to learn how to have a meaningful and informed conversation about sexuality and ministry. In July, the General Convention of the Episcopal Church could pass an amendment supporting same sex blessings. What does this mean? It means that a Diocese that wants to bless same sex marriages would have the authority to do so through the Episcopal Church.

I am very appreciative of my fellow seminarians that took the initiative to start this conversation. As leaders in the Church, it will be up to us to help our brothers and sisters to have fruitful conversations about this sensitive topic. We have to learn to worship together, accept each other and most importantly love one another.

One of the presenters at the workshop said this, “we are called to minister to people, not ideologies and causes.” I really think that sums up what ministry is truly about. No matter what the issue is, it is God’s people that matter. What I do know is that we have to remember that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and that we are all God’s precious children, without regard to the color of our skin, our gender or our sexual orientation.

I also know this; it takes all of us to make up the Body of Christ. I encourage us all to be a part of this conversation and to remember that we are all God’s people. Thank you for letting me get out of my comfort zone and speak from my heart.

Blessings as the ride continues…
Mary Balfour

My Theology...

My Theology…

As you might imagine, in seminary you not only learn about theology but you try to make sense of what your own theology is. I have always said that my theology is that God is love. I still believe that, but I want to go deeper with that statement. How do we know God’s love? How do we know when God is speaking to us and is showing His love for us through others? What does the word love mean? I don’t have the answers to the questions, but I am certainly thinking about them. I am also becoming more aware of my gifts - and issues that I need to work on!

I have always been a “doer.” You know, the person who volunteers, steps in, organizes events; this was my world for eleven years as a development officer. I am learning how to keep my “doer” personality while letting others shine as well. One hundred forty two amazing leaders surround me at SSW and many of them are “doers” as well. I have told you all this before, but this seminary is producing fabulous priests, counselors and chaplains. We are all in for a treat! How do I fit in to this group of one hundred forty two great people? How do I strengthen my gifts but also allowing for growing edges, edges that often hurt? These are the questions that I ponder often. These are the questions that I process with my classmates. In addition, how do I continue to remind myself that it is usually not about me?

This blog update isn’t a negative update; it is just real and what I am feeling. So, don’t get me wrong, I am still happy as a lark and I am enjoying every minute of seminary. I am also growing and sometimes growing hurts. I will admit having my Mom and Aunt Jane visit over Spring Break was a shot in the arm of goodness for me. I will be happy to be with my family this summer. In turn, I will be happy to come back to Austin in August.

So what is my theology? It is still God is love and I hope it always will be. But I am going to continue to ask myself what does that really mean and how does it strengthen our relationship with God. How are we creating space for Christ to show up in our lives? How are we letting God love us?

I am still working on my Lenten discipline of praying for those that I have hurt or who have hurt me. I am also praying for all of you that I love deeply. You are often in my thoughts and are very missed.

Blessings as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour

Spring Break 2012...

Spring Break 2012…

I am going to scale back my blogpost writing to every two weeks. As you can imagine, my schoolwork is getting harder and I don’t have as much time as I would like to devote to blogging. With that being said, Spring Break 2012 is here!!! I am excited to have a week off and even more thrilled that Mom and Aunt Jane are coming on Monday. We are planning on eating great meals, visiting Lady Bird Johnson’s wildflower reserve, shopping on South Congress and possibly a trip to San Antonio.

The last two weeks have been busy with Visitor’s Weekend, midterms and the daily activities of the life of a seminarian. Visitor’s Weekend was a huge success and it was a joy to participate in the event. I think we recruited some wonderful people to be a part of our community. I am already so excited about seeing them again in the fall. I took several tests this past week. They were challenging to say the least! I am trying to be positive and remind myself I gave them my best effort. I do put a lot of time and effort into my studies because this information is so important! I want to retain every bit of it. It is still very exciting to sit in class and devour the Bible, ponder the thoughts of prominent theologians and learn to chant our beautiful services.

I am excited to tell you that I will be going to the Episcopal Church’s General Convention this summer in Indianapolis. I will be traveling with other SSW students to be a part of the seminary’s social media team. We will be tweeting, facebooking, and blogging about the event. If you are on twitter, please follow me: marybalfourvz. I look forward to sharing with you all the important decisions that will be made this summer in Indianapolis.

I am still working on my Lenten discipline of praying for those that I have hurt or who have hurt me. I am always amazed by the amount of healing that happens. God is working on my heart in this area. I think I will keep this up way past Lent!!!

Please know that I am praying for those that I can’t see and touch everyday. You are in my thoughts and prayers as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour