Clinical Pastoral Education...

Clinical Pastoral Education…

I haven’t had the courage to write about Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) yet, because to be completely honest it has been a daily struggle for me and I don’t think I am very good at it.  CPE is basically being a chaplain at a hospital for one summer during your seminary experience.  In my case, I am working for a VA hospital in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, where my parents live.  From my understanding, the purpose of CPE is to discover issues within yourself and how to handle them in addition to working on your listening skills, becoming comfortable in a hospital, and experiencing death.

The VA hospital in Murfreesboro has many psychiatric patients in addition to a community living center, an acute care unit and a rehabilitation unit.  I want to share with you that I feel honored to spend my days with men and women who have given their time to serve our country.  With that being said, it is also extremely difficult to realize that I can’t “fix” their situations.  I am hoping that just walking in the room, listening and being present helps in some way.

In the past two days, I have had the pleasure of meeting two men that are full of joy, life and an amazing love of our God.  One was a Baptist minister for over 50 years.  Some of you will find this hard to believe, but he spent over an hour telling me his life story - I didn’t say one word!  The Holy Spirit was in the room as we talked, and I walked away feeling more than touched, almost changed.  I got so much out of my time with this incredible man.  He touched my heart.

Today, I spent time with a 91-year-old man who is at the end of his life.  He knows that he is dying and even though there is some emotion associated with the end of his life, he is not afraid and is confident he will be in heaven with his wife and Jesus.  I am more than confident that heaven is exactly where he is going.  This man has raised 9 children and 3 grandchildren and is content with his life.  Content, there is that word again. 

The last two days have been good days.  Honestly, most days are not as good.  There is grief, anger, loneliness, pain and many days, death.  I often don’t know what to say or how to comfort a patient or family.  All I know to do is pray.  So that is what I do.  Sometimes I am really afraid that someone is going to pass out, be in pain or even die in my presence.  This is flat out scary to me.  Someone I love very much reminded me the other day that being with someone as they die is one of the most intimate experiences they have ever experienced.  I need to find that courage to be intimate, not afraid, not anxious, and just present.  I am working on it.

I ask for prayers for the men and women at the VA, prayers for my classmates who are also experiencing CPE, my friends from other seminaries who are participating in CPE, and for me, that God will give me strength.  Thank you as always for your love and devotion.  

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Porch Girls...

Porch Girls...

For over 25 years my mother and some of her closest friends have been gathering the second weekend in June at our family’s summer cottage in Monteagle, Tennessee.  This group of women call themselves the porch girls and for three days every year, they laugh, they play, but most importantly they support each other through the good times and the difficult times. 

I often ask my Mom if I might make a guest appearance and visit.  I just want to be a part of it all.  There is nothing better than sitting on the porch, eating wonderful food, and enjoying the company of these women.  I had the opportunity to be with the Porch Girls this weekend, and oh it was good for the soul.  Not only do they care deeply for my mother, and each other, but they care for me as well.  They listened so intently as I told them of my experiences at Seminary, CPE this summer, and life in general.  One of the ladies, who I know without a shadow of a doubt prays faithfully for all aspects of my life, told me this morning that she sees a sense of contentment in me.  Contentment, wow, what a powerful word.  I think she is right, I am content.  Content with the direction God is leading my life, content with the fact that I am seminarian, content that I have been blessed with wonderful friendships and family, and finally content with the truth that God is forming me into a priest.

I love the fact that my mother has these women, sisters, and friends in her life.  What a blessing and instrument of love that these women are to each other.  Everything is sacred and safe between them.  There is no judgment, there is no fear, there is just love.  So, to the porch girls, thank you for loving me, my family, and most importantly my AMAZING mother.  Thank you for being a part of this journey and your never ceasing prayers.  May we all find the kind of friendship that you all have given to each other and just be content in that bond that binds us all together.

Blessings as the ride continues…

Mary Balfour