The Joy of Learning...

The Joy of Learning…

I was having a discussion with my sweet mother about how tough academically this school year has been.  There doesn’t seem to be enough time to get everything done and enjoy being with my seminary buddies.  I am trying hard to take a walk everyday, to engage in meaningful conversations, to relish in my time at Christ Chapel, and to continue to love every second of my classes.  It is tough, but as Mom reminded me, seminary is a seven-day a week job.

Yes, I am still working on getting my footing.  Class, work study, Chapel, my field parish, studying, it is hard to get a good balance.  But in the midst of that, I am discovering more and more how much I enjoy learning.  I know this seems like a silly statement to many, but to me it is a true joy to really love learning.  I have always found academic work extremely challenging, I am reminded of this every time I walk in to my Theology and Ethics class.  But what I am discovering is that I actually adore digging into the text of the Bible.  Learning more about what the Word of God really has to say and doing my best to translate that word into a sermon that will have meaning and power around it.

Let me give you an example.  Recently in a class we were studying the story of the hemorrhaging woman in Mark’s Gospel.  I hate to admit it but I really didn’t know anything about this story and I couldn’t remember a time I had even heard a sermon on it.  At first read, I thought the story was about Jesus performing a miracle and giving life back to a woman that literally had been bleeding for twelve years.  Can you believe that, the poor woman, the social outcast she must have been, no one would marry her and she couldn’t have children?  As I studied the passage more and discussed it further with my classmates and professors, I realized that the passage, for me, is really about the faith that the bleeding woman had in Jesus.  She didn’t ask his permission to be healed, she just went for it, and sometimes that is exactly what you have to do.  Have incredible faith and just go for it!

I think there is a lesson to be learned from the hemorrhaging woman.  In the midst of trying to get it all done, it is a great reminder to have faith and just go for it.  After the hemorrhaging woman is healed, Jesus says to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”  Jesus acknowledges the hemorrhaging woman’s faith and welcomes her in to the Body of Christ.  I know I will remember this story when I temporally lose my faith and need to be reminded that I am a part of the Body of Christ.

Finally, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of emails, cards, phone calls and texts I have received from my family and friends lately.  It is as if God reminded them I needed prayers and good wishes.  Thank you God for putting me on their hearts and thank you friends and family for reminding me of your love.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Tears of Joy...

Tears of Joy…

So I woke up 5:30 this morning to get ready for my first day of Field Education at St. Richard’s Episcopal Church in Round Rock, Texas.  I will be serving (with another classmate) there for the next two years.  I wanted to get up early to ensure that I had time to pray, read Morning Prayer, and reflect on this part of my journey.  It is about a 20-minute drive to St. Richard’s from the seminary.  As I was driving and watching the sun come up, I realized that I was crying. 

They were tears of joy.  I was crying because I see my dream of, God willing,  becoming a priest coming true.  I am actually serving in a parish and learning another piece of what I need to know to serve others.  This truly amazes me.  Even though I have now been in seminary for a while, as time goes by, the reality of serving God and His people in this way becomes more and more clear.  I feel so honored to have the opportunity to be a servant of the Lord.  I am humbled that St. Richard’s is allowing me to be a part of their parish family and ministry, make mistakes, celebrate with them, and even experience tears of joy.

As my favorite author Henri Nouwen says, "Joy does not simply happen to us.  We have to choose joy and keep choosing it everyday.”   I choose to accept these tears of joy that were put in my heart today and I hope I keep joy everyday.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Have you prayed to Jesus...

Have you prayed to Jesus …

Today I was talking to a beloved friend about my last post, anxiety.  I have now finished two days of classes and I already feel overwhelmed.  Just when I think I am confident about my academic work, I feel pushed down.  Who is pushing me down?  Well that would be me.  I have unrealistic expectations of myself, I am too hard on myself, and I don’t take things hour by hour much less day by day.  As I was discussing my “problem” with my friend, she looked me straight in the eye and said have your prayed to Jesus about this?

I was blown away.  Of course I hadn’t prayed to Jesus about this, it is easier for me to complain about it, worry about it, and get myself in to a big old tizzy! Her words were so simple and so right on but most importantly the answer is so easy.  Pray to Jesus! 

I believe I have a sound prayer life.  I pray for people who are going through hard times, I pray for our seminary community, I often pray for the children of seminarians who are trying to figure this whole thing out (mainly because I totally get that one and it has taken me years to figure it out).  But, what I don’t do is simply ask Jesus to take my anxiety away.  Take my fear away, let me know and feel your comfort, in this moment, in this hour, in this day.  It is so easy to do, and yet I don’t often take the time.

So as I was taking a short walk tonight with my sweet Owen, I repeated the words, please take my pain away Jesus, over and over and over again.  In that moment, I felt completely peaceful. 

I know for a fact that I will get in a tizzy again, probably tomorrow.  But, maybe the question of the day is to ask ourselves, have you prayed to Jesus?

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour

Anticipation...

Anticipation…

What are the words to the Carly Simon song, oh yeah, “Anticipation, anticipation

Is makin' me late Is keepin' me waitin.'” I don’t know that the anticipation is making me late, but it sure is keeping me waiting.  I arrived back to Austin almost two weeks ago.  Those two weeks have been spent preparing, scheduling, working, enjoying our new students on campus, but mostly anticipating.  Anticipating what is said to be the hardest academic year of seminary, the middler year.  I have been so filled with anticipation that I asked a friend just this morning to pray with me and for me over my anxiety.  Anxiety, something that many of you know I have been clinically diagnosed with, suffer from greatly, and constantly trying to keep in check.  How do I cope with my anxiety?  Well not very well most of the time, but usually by scheduling my day so that I can ANTICIPATE the day therefore lowering my anxiety.

Although I believe that I am lowering my anxiety, there is one problem.  Where does God come in?  If I schedule my day jammed packed full, than I am forgoing the very things that God is putting right in front of me.  I am scheduling and preparing, but where am I am scheduling God?  I often miss the things that surround me and that God has put in my path, all because I am trying to lower my anxiety.  I was so worried about scheduling my day today that I almost missed the birds and the glorious song they were singing on my walk with Owen this morning.  Thank you God for letting me experience your creatures this morning.

I learned a lot about getting out of the way and letting God do His thing this summer in CPE.  But, all of the sudden, I seemed to have forgotten all of the many things that He taught me.  But, isn’t that human nature?  To have to constantly remind ourselves and hope to God that we have good enough friends in our lives to help us cope.  My anticipation does have merit, but it is when I get out of the way and have complete and utter faith in the God that created me and loves me that I have the most success at being a Christian.

So friends, I do ask for your prayers as I embrace this academic year.  I ask that my anxiety be lowered and that this sense of anticipation will be calming.  Most importantly, I ask that you pray that we all get out of the way and let God do His thing and help us see the beauty of His creation all around us.

I also want you to know that I am praying right along with you.  For those that are hurt, alone, scared, happy or sad.  I pray that we all feel God’s embrace as we anticipate each and every day.

Blessings as the ride continues…  Mary Balfour