What are the words to the Carly Simon song, oh yeah, “Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late Is keepin' me waitin.'” I don’t know that the anticipation is making me late, but it sure is keeping me waiting. I arrived back to Austin almost two weeks ago. Those two weeks have been spent preparing, scheduling, working, enjoying our new students on campus, but mostly anticipating. Anticipating what is said to be the hardest academic year of seminary, the middler year. I have been so filled with anticipation that I asked a friend just this morning to pray with me and for me over my anxiety. Anxiety, something that many of you know I have been clinically diagnosed with, suffer from greatly, and constantly trying to keep in check. How do I cope with my anxiety? Well not very well most of the time, but usually by scheduling my day so that I can ANTICIPATE the day therefore lowering my anxiety.
Although I believe that I am lowering my anxiety, there is one problem. Where does God come in? If I schedule my day jammed packed full, than I am forgoing the very things that God is putting right in front of me. I am scheduling and preparing, but where am I am scheduling God? I often miss the things that surround me and that God has put in my path, all because I am trying to lower my anxiety. I was so worried about scheduling my day today that I almost missed the birds and the glorious song they were singing on my walk with Owen this morning. Thank you God for letting me experience your creatures this morning.
I learned a lot about getting out of the way and letting God do His thing this summer in CPE. But, all of the sudden, I seemed to have forgotten all of the many things that He taught me. But, isn’t that human nature? To have to constantly remind ourselves and hope to God that we have good enough friends in our lives to help us cope. My anticipation does have merit, but it is when I get out of the way and have complete and utter faith in the God that created me and loves me that I have the most success at being a Christian.
So friends, I do ask for your prayers as I embrace this academic year. I ask that my anxiety be lowered and that this sense of anticipation will be calming. Most importantly, I ask that you pray that we all get out of the way and let God do His thing and help us see the beauty of His creation all around us.
I also want you to know that I am praying right along with you. For those that are hurt, alone, scared, happy or sad. I pray that we all feel God’s embrace as we anticipate each and every day.
Blessings as the ride continues… Mary Balfour